Life's Little Questions

Catch Up

2006-04-14T17:13:00.000-07:00

This poor blog has been pushed to the way side so many times I've lost count. It's not that I don't enjoy writing, I just lost time for it and more true, lost the want to write here. Now, "blogsphere" is a common term, often heard on your nightly news, on billboards, on commericals. It has put so much pressure on the authors of blogs to write worthy, meaningful essays that I just threw my hands up and walked away. What happened after I got to the edge of the ocean you ask?

Well, wedding planning has taken up a lot of my time. Figuring out what exactly I am doing with my life, getting promoted and figuring management out, dealing with inept employees, dealing with crazed mothers. Sigh. I briefly took on a second job but that didn't pan out (though I am looking for another part time job). Adam got hired at the bank this past week part time, so he is working a part time and FULL time job. We don't see each other much and when we do, its often biting words and stress related short conversations. Sigh.

I looked down at my ring today and just smiled. Today it shone brilliantly on my finger and I felt the love move thruout my body. Our wedding day is about 6 months away and its become it's own animal. Our guest list is HUGE and bigger than what I expected it to be. But I just want to have a great party, dancing all night long with my best friend, the love of my life.

I tanked on my weight loss. Its really bothering me and yet I come home and eat nothing but trash all night long and never go to the gym. Really what more motivation do I need than an upcoming wedding dress to get into and more clothes in my closet that I DO NOT fit into than those that I do.

Hmm. I hate the new Old Navy Commerical. That was random but it just came on TV.

Other than wedding plans the other obsession is my myspace page. I will probably be updating that more than this now.

But I'm here. I'm alive. thanks for caring ;)

how it is

2006-04-03T15:34:00.000-07:00

Grey Street
(Dave Mathews Band)

Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out on to Grey Street

She thinks, “Hey,
How did I come to this?
I dream myself a thousand times around the world,
But I can’t get out of this place”

There’s an emptiness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart

How she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears it doesn’t listen
There’s still a hope in her it might

She says, “I pray
But they fall on deaf ears,
Am I supposed to take it on myself?
To get out of this place”

There’s loneliness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart

There’s a stranger speaks outside her door
Says take what you can from your dreams
Make them as real as anything
It’d take the work out of the courage

But she says, “Please
There’s a crazy man that’s creeping outside my door,
I live on the corner of Grey Street and the end of the world”

There’s an emptiness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
It’s more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
It breaks her heart
To grey

A week after

2006-01-24T18:04:00.000-08:00

So, its been a week after my engagement, and yes, I'm still on cloud nine. I'm constantly thinking of things about the wedding. My mother called last week saying that all the places that one would have a reception in Y-town is booked for our date!

I freaked. I knew that the only thing Adam really wanted was this specific date. So we went home last weekend, went to a Bridal show that was a complete waist of time, and then the hunt was on. We did find a wonderful ballroom in a hotel that was easy to get to and I think we are going with them. The only issue is that when Adam called to clarify some things, the woman was really pissy with him. I have to call her tomorrow and if she is pissy with me, I will just say forget it and go with another venue that I know is open for that date. Don't get bitchy with me when I am paying you 10000.00 AND get you 25 or more rooms booked! Grrr... yes here comes the Bridezilla!! Hehehe.

I weighed in today. I lost another 2 lbs. So three weeks and its been 5 1/2 total. I'm pretty proud of myself. By Thanksgiving I want to be close to my goal weight because thats when I am going to go try on wedding dresses again. I went with my best firend when she was here and almost cried (in the bad way) when I looked in the mirror in the first dress. Nope, not going back again until October or November. I am beginning to enjoy salads a bit more, and have figured out how to make garlic bread with WW bread and some seasoning... Wheat pasta is just as good as every other kind, that filling up on salad and veggies isn't so terrible. Though I still have a damn big sweet tooth after I eat lunch and dinner. I need to start exercising though.

Other big news. I got promoted at work. Starting next Wed I will be at another office as a Team Leader!! It's the position I've been wanting for the past year or so, and I am excited to get it but nervous too. The good news is that its a closer office to home and no more traveling the blessed over croweded interstate! Whoo Hoo!!

So all in all.. its been a pretty great start to the new year.

Big News

2006-01-18T08:16:00.000-08:00

It's official..... Adam asked me to marry him on Saturday!! It was amazing, at my company's holiday party, infront of 400 co-workers, down on one knee and lots of tears coming from me!! I had the whole story but blogger ate it and now I'm going to be late for work so this is sort of condensed....

But I am engaged!!! The ring is beautiful, with my mother's diamond as the center stone set in white gold with diamonds and... get this.. saphhires on the side in channel setting!!! I will post pictures as soon as I can, so keep checking back!

7-7-07, Here we come!!!!!!!!!

A New year, 3lbs, and bridal shows

2006-01-14T09:22:00.000-08:00

So I've been neglecting you, and I'm sorry. It's just been hard to figure out what to write and anymore, I come home in the January Funk and curl up on the couch watching Rachel Ray cook something fabulous in 30 minutes.

Our New Year was less spectacular than we had planned. We went out with Matt and Erica and were about bored to tears because those two weren't really getting along on top of Erica "not feeling well". We left at 12:30, fully sober and looking at each other in a "what the hell was that" kinda way. Oh well. Even if we didn't ring in 2006 in a grand way, the first month of the year is turning out to be fantastic anyway!

I joined Weight Watchers and have lost 3lbs!!! Although counting points is a bit tedious and right now I am craving things I know I shouldn't eat, so instead I am drinking diet cherry coke and rice cakes. Not exactly the same but the fact that I'm losing weight is such a motivator! The picture on my entertainment unit from my cousin Joy's wedding that I look ENORMOUS is the another motivating factor. Yesterday was a bit harder, I admit... we went to the movies and I did get popcorn, but a small one with no butter and by the end of the movie (Memoirs of a Geisha) the bag was still half full. Tonight we are going to my work holiday party and I know it will be a big test but I think I'll be alright. At least, I am going to try.

Keri and Rylee are coming to visit tomorrow which I am sooo excited about!! I have to scan a picture of her so you can see the cutest chubbiest baby in the world!! We are going to have a great time... I may even get Adam to watch the baby for a while so I can take Keri out to a bar and just relax for a while. We'll see if she'd be okay with that.

We also went to our first Bridal Show last weekend! Adam said that at first, he really did not want to go at all but after we got there and started talking to people and tasting the endless cake, he was having a good time. So good infact, he won 145.00 off his tuxes and got his tux for free!! It was amazing! I also won 500.00 gift certificate for a photography place here, which should take care of the engagement photos (once the engagement happens) and we won a 3 night 2 day all inclusive stay at a Bahama or Dominica Rublic Wyndham resort!!!! Yes, all in all, it was a good time!! Isn't it amazing? Oh and we decided on colors. I know that we aren't engaged yet (due to money more than cold feet) but we know we ARE getting married and that we are going to have the rest of our lives together. With my obessive nature and anal retentiveness, I had to start planning now because if I even wait till we get engaged, my brain will go on over load. I did stress a bit that I am starting planning to early but really... when you think about it... if we get married in the summer of 2007, usually venues fill up a year to 2 in advance... so when I think of it that way... I'm not TOO early... just slightly! ;P

Our main color is called Pool. Its a very summery teal-blue color. Something totally unexpected from me, I know... Miss Purple Queen... but this color is just soo striking and delicate, we had to have it. Plus, he'll look great in it and so will the girls!! I've basically got the Bridesmaids down except 1. Same on his side.

So from here on out.. you will probably get more posts about wedding stuff than you want.. I am on Theknot.com and will post a link once I offically get engaged and then hopefully I will be able to keep the wedding stuff down to a minimal here...
Yeah, RIGHT!!

So, here is to 2006, 2007, and 3lbs!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas

2005-12-24T10:59:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas (Well, Christmas Eve) to Everyone! We are leaving in a few hours to spend the holiday hours driving to our parents and won't be back until Monday.. Hopefully the roadways will be clearer than predicted since we are leaving later in the day.

I wanted to wish a very special Merry Christmas to my friends, to everyone who has touched my heart and my life. This Holiday Season, I hope that you've found yourself surrounded by love, by laughter, and by family, those who've passed and those who are present, and are touched by the realization that you make someone else's life richer and happier by being in it.

To my loving, wonderful boyfriend... Last Christmas, I was Scrooged and in you came, full barrels, throwing snowballs of love at me until I had it knocked into me that you were my Christmas Miracle. This past year, though its been a roller coaster ride, it's been the sweetest ride ever because you were beside me the entire way. Thank you for your unending patience and unbounding love. Merry Christmas, My Love.

Enjoy these next few days everyone and be safe! Love to Everyone!!!!!

Holiday Blues

2005-12-18T13:29:00.000-08:00

Today I wrapped Christmas gifts. I have a feeling that most people have done this arduous task today. I was hoping to get it all done but there are a few items that require bags... and that would require venturing out into the retail nightmare that is 8 days before Christmas.

Instead, I'm blogging.

I was out once today, and a severe chunk of the checkbook shows it! I hate grocery shopping. I know its a necessity, but really, I would have rather spent the 117.00 on new shoes, a suit for work, even some music and dvds I've been wanting for a while. Hell, I could've bought my Scrapbooking Carry Mate for that! Instead, the money is wrapped up in chicken, oreos, milk, and bread. SIGH. I just wish we could live off of rice and water. Those two things are cheap. Plus, I'd get skinny in a real hurry. Oh well, I don't think he'd go for that.

In the background, I am watching Cirque Du Soleil's Alegria. It's one of my favorites, next to Quidam. I love the music that is really a main character in their shows. Watching small wisps of women bend their bodies into pretzels is amazing... although I secretly love the toned, ripped men who fly through the air on strips of silky fabric that hang from the ceiling. YUM.

Next weekend at this time I will be in route to or already at the in-laws. I'm not looking forward to next weekend in the least. It's going to be hectic and crazy. A doesn't get off work til 5, with the possiblity of getting off sooner (but highly unlikely) then its a three hour trek (if the weather is good and traffic not heavy) to my grandmothers, then to my mother's to sleep and have Christmas Day breakfast and present opening. Then, packing the car, saying goodbyes and heading to Conneaut for the same repeat, except dinner instead of breakfast this time, sleep and then back on the road to C-town by at least 11 since A has to be at work at 3.

Yep. Sounds like fun to me! ARGH. I really wanted to take his uncle's offer to spend Christmas with them this year, down the road, but I knew both of our parents would hit the roof if we didn't come home. It's not that I don't want to see the families... well, a part of me doesn't but for reasons I cannot reveal here, it's just that when life gets hectic and crazy, it usually comes out in our attitude and bickering. Two things I do not want to have happen over the Holiday. Sigh.

I hope A likes everything I got for him. This year, with the move and new jobs, and ever present bills, money was just tight. I just hope he understands how much I love him.

Off to fold some laundry.

15 Minute Update

2005-12-10T10:17:00.000-08:00

I've about 15 minutes right now to write something before I need to get my ass in gear and head out the door.

We went to see Trans Siberian Orchestra last Wed, and it was AMAZING!! That was our first date last year (can you believe its been a year???) So I definately wanted to mark the occassion with surprise tickets for him this year. The look on his face when we kept walking down stairs to get to the floor and then the look on his face once we kept walking closer to the stage...Well, it made me going broke for those tickets WELL WORTH IT!! The concert lasted three hours and each second was brilliant. They played Christmas Eve / Saravejo 12/24 TWICE and I rocked out to it both times, even though by the second time a migrane started to creep in.

We've figured out how Christmas is going to work and its going to be hectic as hell but Tis the Season right??

OH, I got to train my first trainee this past week and I think it went well. She told me I was wonderful and that I should've been a teacher... Words that my Mother would echo to no end, I'm sure. :)

And the other big news is that my close friend from College, Heather, got engaged this past month and is getting married next December!!!! She's asked me to be in her wedding and I'm more than happy to accept.
So to Heather and Brent, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Times Up!

Gettin' into the Spirit

2005-11-25T19:35:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we went to see Rocky Horror at the Southern Ohio Theater. We had such a GREAT time and I looked and felt great. However, after seeing this picture, I am more certain than ever that I need to battle the bulge. A is kinda lookin goofy but thats par for the course.

Tomorrow when I get home from work, my mom and Stepdad will be here and Thanksgiving Dinner "Mom" Style will commence!! I am soo excited to see them both. We are shopping on Sunday and the weather is looking wonderful! She said her car is jam packed full. I'm excited for the treats she's bringing!

The house is decorated and I really have to say, it looks adorable! I bought stockings at the dollar store and wrote our names on them in glitter glue.They are huge and with the money crutching that will need to be done for the holiday season, I doubt that they will be filled, but whatever gifts lack, love picks up, right? At least, I hope. I'm upset that we can't spend on each other like we want to.

I'm still fighting this cold. It's only bad at night now... I get the runny nose and the sneezing. Which I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate sneezing. It ranks up there with my loathing of hiccups. There really is no point to this post, but I wanted to just make myself write instead of just sitting and looking at the Computer!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2005-11-24T15:56:00.000-08:00

Well, as you can see from the photo, we were lacking a little Turkey from the infamous Turkey Day. Why you ask? Well, because I'm not that great of a cook and there is only two of us, so ham it was.. besides, mom is coming this weekend with a full spread including a Turkey.

But the above dinner was eaten today, and it was absolutely FAB! We cooked it together (with him doing most of it) and every last bit was edible! We only had on slight mishap with the cresent rolls due to our crazy oven.... it likes to burn things quickly. Hell, I even took a page out of the Food Network (which is my new obsession to watch) and made the stuffing with Turkey Stock instead of water or broth. I noticed a difference... but he didn't. Oh well!

Isn't my table cloth too cute?? Festive without being overly annoying. We went to see Rent yesterday... I will post about that tomorrow along with the reason for the new blog... Again.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Reason

2005-11-23T19:58:00.000-08:00

This is A, in line for the Maid of the Mist trip at Niagara falls (We are on the Canadian side here). We had a great time during this trip. It was amazing to just spend time with him without too much crazy stress. I remember we laughed a lot. We got pretty wet on the trip. :)

I've been day dreaming today, on my day off, about another vacation with A. I really really really want to go back to Disney and take him with me. I know that he will love everything that I loved about it, find all the Disney Magic there is to be had. I keep checking the website for deals and packages.... and no matter when I pick, the price (airfare, hotel, park hoppers) is still way too expensive. I'm not sure where we want to really Honeymoon... Disney or a Cruise? And don't even suggest a Disney Cruise... 7 days on a CONFINED space with lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of children! I'd have to jump overboard.

Last night I got run down and was coughing a lot. I was totally thankful for the day off today to try and recoup. My throat was stratchy this morning and tonight its calmed down... probably because I haven't talked very much today. But I admit that I never got out of my PJ's today... I did, however, do laundry, clean the kitchen, make the bed, put some clothes away, worked on the blog... How do you like it? Sorry about the word verification but as you might well know, I'm having some issues with my commenters. I heart my commenters, really.... save for one. We may have to resort to moderating them, which I don't want to do.

Exciting news! I did go to the gym yesterday. Although I only did the running track and treadmill, I felt great for just going. I don't know how to work most of the machines, so I have to swallow my pride and get a machine orientation. I get three free consults also, which I am hoping to take advantage of to find out which excercises I need to do to loose weight and gain a curvy figure. Curvy in the good way, not in the over-indulgence way ( in other words, how I look now). And yet, I stayed on the couch most of the day snacking on foods that I should've stayed away from. Le Sigh.

Well, two posts in one day! Go me. Hope you like the changes to the blog... I'm still trying to figure it all out. I just wanted to have a reason to post a photo of A. And say how my day was. How was yours?

Rent

2005-11-23T19:57:00.000-08:00

In 1996 I was completely taken over by a musical. At the time, I was relatively new to the concept of being taken away by something completely. Of having something, that I had not seen, that I had no idea of how it came to be, touch me deeply. I was 16. Admittedly, an age that everything affected me deeply.

But this was different.

This was music, infused with passion, desire, hurt, understanding...and given life by a group of unknowns who only knew that they were hungry for work, hungry for their talent to be fleshed out and this was the score that would feed them. I understood all of that on a level I felt my peers didn't. I can hear the music to this day and be transfixed to that point in my life where everything felt raw and on the brink of breaking. My heart, my emotions, my soul, my life....

I know every piece of that music by heart. I can sing the harmonies, the melodies, tell you what just happened the second before the first note happened. I can tell you who wrote it, and how, an hour after the final dress rehearsal, he died, unexpectedly, sadly.

Having said all of this, the only vision of this masterpiece is in my mind. I have never seen the piece that has probably had the greatest affect on my life. I have books with pictures of the original cast performance, but still photo's don't do it justice. Although I have orchestra center tickets hanging on my fridge, the performance isn't until April (They were my early birthday gift). So when I found out that Sony had decided to make the musical into a movie, naturally, I was amazed and excited...and then fear set it.

I mean, what if they had someone dub the singing over, who were they going to get to play the parts? Could I even deal with the idea of the studio putting some big name draw, like Tom Cruise, for Roger just so they could make money? The funniest thing that happened with me finding out about this movie was the how of it. I was confused, as a Law and Order fan, as to why Det. Greene had been shot and put into a coma? After Googling, I found out it was because Jesse L. Martin had signed on to do the movie version of Rent... matter of fact, almost all of the original cast members had, save for two. My fears calmed. After I found the blog site, I was once again, 16, completely taken over and excited as hell!

The music, the passion, the artistry... is coming alive on November 23 and all I can say, is:

I can't control

my destiny

I trust my soul

My only Goal

Is Just to Be

There's Only Us

There's only Now

No Day But Today!!